The Main Character Never Dies
by Migoto Kuragari
Summary: You can't imagine that Hiei would keep his comments to himself during a movie. So what about a movie with brooding heroes and sparkling boyfriends? Not. A. Chance. A oneshot where Hiei and Kurama unwillingly go to the movies. R


Yes, it's true...I _live_! It's been a few odd monthes since I updated...but here it is ^^. Ever wondered what would happen if our favorite demon duo went to the movies? Ever wondered if they'd be _Twilight_ fanatics? Well, I have...and this is the product of that little day dream. Many thanks to Bethany Chan, who helped me correct the many grammatical errors and for pushing me to do a oneshot ^^. Alright, if you're a _Twilight_ fanatic, this is all in good fun.

So...We should probably get to the point don't ya think?

Please enjoy :D. If you like- review. ^^

* * *

"Hiei, you don't have to walk in the rain, you know." Kurama looked over at his companion. Hiei was walking beside him, sulking, and every time Kurama offered to share his umbrella Hiei refused with an acute glare and a "Hn."

But the rain was becoming heavier and heavier. It was making Hiei's already unruly raven hair slump. Although, the sight of Hiei's leaning tower of hair _did_ serve to amuse the fox...it would be a shame if the fire demon caught a human cold.

They'd been down that road before.

"Hiei," Kurama smirked at his friend, "You'll get sick if you stay out in the rain too long. Do you remember the last time you were sick?"

Hiei's sharp crimson eyes widened the tiniest bit, and without a word he stubbornly walked under the umbrella's protection.

"So where do we find this escapee?" Hiei was scanning the thick crowd of humans impatiently. Many of them were crowded together under umbrellas or under shelters, waiting for the downpour to subside.

"Koenma said that they tracked his movements to downtown," Kurama fished one of the detective items out of his pocket. Botan had given Hiei the demon compass before he had left Spirit World and Hiei had promptly tossed it to Kurama, uninterested in manipulating it.

He looked at the demon compass and then back to his companion. "We can narrow it down with this."

"Hn," Hiei frowned at him, "That technology is nothing but child's play. I could've found him by now if you'd just let me use my Jagan."

The center of Hiei's forehead began to glow menacingly. Kurama sighed and shook his head.

"Hiei, we can't risk a human seeing that."

The glow in the center of Hiei's forehead subsided and Hiei looked away, sulking again.

A shrill beeping noise pierced the air. Hiei jumped somewhat and he glared at the demon compass that was practically shaking in Kurama's outstretched palm.

"He's close," Kurama smirked and turned to match the compass's direction. "Let's hurry...before we lose him."

Kurama and Hiei ran, across the streets, through the alleyways, until the compass indicated that their target was only a few yards away.

The two demons looked up together; they squinted to see through the rain. They continued to stare at each other for awhile and then back at the building that stood in front of them.

Hiei frowned. "Kurama, what the hell is this place?"

Kurama stared at the building bemusedly, his emerald eyes were widened in a mixture of surprise and honest confusion.

"Well?" Hiei impatiently scowled at him.

"Um, well...it seems that our target appreciates human world cinema."

"What...do you mean?" Hiei felt a foreboding feeling of dread in the back of his mind.

Kurama looked back to Hiei. "We're at the movie theater, Hiei. Our target is hiding in there."

Hiei closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Reigning in his temper, he gritted his teeth. "God. Dammit."

"Let me guess," Kurama brought his fingertips to his temples with a knowing smirk, "I'm buying, aren't I?"

Hiei nodded. "And don't skip out on the food. I'm hungry."

"Let's go, then." Kurama fished around in his pocket to find his wallet.

Hiei's shoulders tensed and with an instinctive impulse, he reached for his sheathed sword. Kurama grabbed his wrist and stopped him. "What is it?"

"He's there; I can see him from here..." The fire demon's voice was low. "A demon in a sweatshirt. I can see him buying...that junk that you call _food_."

"I see him." Kurama's green eyes narrowed. "Can you tell what movie he's going into?...Does he see us?"

Hiei opened his mouth to respond but a strange voice from behind them distracted both of the demons.

The voices were in whispers, excited, tittering whispers, "Look! They're holding hands aren't they?"

The two boys froze and slowly stared at each other... and then at their hands. Kurama's hand was still wrapped around Hiei's wrist.

The voices became twice as excited. "_Ohmigosh_ they **are**! That guy's pretty short, I guess, but look at his girlfriend! Isn't she cute?"

Kurama's head sank in embarrassment.

"That's not a girl! It's a guy! See?"

"Oh! You're right! Aww, aren't they the cutest couple you ever-"

Hiei snatched his hand away. "Dammit, Kurama! Let go of me!" he snapped defensively.

"Please calm down, Hiei." Kurama frowned at his comrade. "Don't attract any more attention to us."

Hiei glared at him and dug his chin into the fabric of his collar. "Fine...Just don't touch me anymore." Hiei stubbornly stepped out from underneath Kurama's umbrella.

The rain pelted him; he squinted and brushed the water away from his eyes as it trickled down his hair and onto his forehead.

"Let's go inside, then," Kurama sighed and opened the door. He let Hiei brush by him and let his emerald eyes stray back over their target. He couldn't get a look at his face. The hood of his sweatshirt was up and there was a scarf that was wrapped around his chin.

Kurama closed the umbrella as he stepped in. He never took his eyes off of their target.

"What can I do for you, Sir?" A cashier girl from behind the counter smiled warmly at the two demons. Her eyes lingered on Kurama affectionately but he barely noticed. In fact, they didn't even respond to her welcome. They watched their target nonchalantly.

They could hear the impatient mumbles of a line forming behind them. But they didn't pay any mind to them. Their eyes followed the demon quietly. He didn't seem to notice them while he mulled around the lobby pointlessly. Hiei frowned impatiently. Eventually, he stepped into a theater.

Kurama smiled at the girl behind the cashier, "Could you please give us two tickets to the showing in Theater 9?"

The girl blinked and her cheeks began to turn the slightest shade of pink. "U-Um, I'm sorry, Sir, but that movie is sold out. We only have reserved tickets left. . . Could I interest you in another movie? We have-"

Kurama's patient and gracious smile cut the girl off.

"I'm really only interested in that movie. . . You see, we're meeting an old friend here and it's also what my friend here," Kurama motioned with his eyes to Hiei, "had his heart set on." Kurama suppressed a chuckle when Hiei growled in the back of his throat.

The pink flush on the girl's cheeks darkened and she stammered, fiddling with the end of her sleeve as she talked, "I'm s-sorry sir but I can't help you. I'm so-"

"You'd be doing me a favor, Miss Madeline," he quickly read her name tag and his hand "accidentally" brushed against hers and stopped there. The color on her cheeks deepened into a dark red color.

"U-um I-" She fiddled with her register; her fingers tapped against the buttons nervously and she looked back up at him. His expression had changed. Kurama's emerald eyes were filled with disappointment and he smiled sadly.

Her eyes widened and quickly she typed a few buttons and out came the tickets.

"That'll be…um...$12.50." she handed him the tickets and his expression instantly changed. He smiled graciously and took the tickets.

"Thank you," he handed her the money with an invisible gleam of victory in his eyes. Human girls always seemed so weak when it came to things like that.

She nodded and blushed when he brushed past the counter.

Kurama smirked and handed Hiei a ticket. They could hear the girl being scolded by an older coworker.

"Madeline, you can't be so careless! You'll lose your job that way. And I don't know why you got so excited over him at all. I mean, he _has _to be gay."

Kurama sighed, Hiei smirked and they both kept listening.

The Madeline girl became defensive, "He is _not_!"

"Oh, please," her coworker's voice was bitter, "He's with his boyfriend. I saw them holding hands outside and to top it all off, he was broken up about not seeing _Twilight_... Of all the movies in the theater."

Kurama grimaced as dread filled up the cavity of his chest, and he looked down at the ticket.

Sure enough, there was the name _Twilight _waswritten in bold ink.

Hiei looked from his own ticket and then back to Kurama, "What is _Twilight_?"

"Hiei," Kurama let out a sigh and crumpled the ticket in his hand, "I think I might have to leave _you _to find out for yourself. I'm not sure I could properly...describe it."

Hiei frowned, "It's not one of those...romantic comedies that Botan always makes us watch, is it?"

Kurama smirked, "No, Hiei that would be an upgrade."

"Hm?" Hiei arched a single eyebrow.

"Well...I'm sure at one point Yusuke told you about human vampire myths, right?"

Hiei nodded. "Yes? So? Is this a vampire movie? What's that look on your face for?"

"Hiei," Kurama chuckled, "If there is one thing that you must understand...it's this... This is _not_ a vampire movie. Not under any possible circumstances."

Hiei rolled his eyes, "You've lost it. You're no longer making any sense."

They stopped, with popcorn in hand just outside the theater. They watched indifferently as two girls moved to file into the theater. They were huddled together over a phone and they giggled with excitement. One of them stumbled over their own feet. They giggled again and when they turned, the lighting caught the words on the fronts of their t-shirts, written in glitter.

"Kurama?"

"Hm?" Kurama glanced back at his friend, who had a disturbed look in his face.

"What's...'Team Edward'?"

"I believe he's one of the main characters in the movie. I hear the girls in my class talking about him."

"So...That means...we'll be surrounded by-"

"Fangirls," Kurama finished for him with a grim nod.

Hiei talked in a snarl, "I'm going to _gut and skin_ that worthless prince." When a nearby human boy heard him, he inched away nervously from the sulking duo.

"And for once," Kurama shook his head, "I think I'll assist you. It'll be fun."

The girls turned again, away from them this time. The glittered words on the backs of their shirts read, "Because Only Real Men Can Sparkle."

Both of the boys read it and sighed.

"These humans are a sick race," Hiei muttered under his breath.

"Not all of them, Hiei," Kurama nudged him and Hiei scowled at his companion.

"You're right," Hiei's shoulder slumped and Kurama's emerald eyes widened ever so slightly.

Was he actually admitting that humans-

"It's an insult to _humans_ to even call them _human_... They're nothing but useless bags of blood and bones."

Kurama smirked and sighed, _Close enough._

"Let's just go," Kurama started to make his way inside.

"I'm not going," Hiei said.

Kurama looked back and there Hiei stood stubbornly, his arms folded across his chest and his feet planted defiantly.

"Hiei," Kurama's patience was beginning to wear thin. They had spent all morning to find the demon and now he refused to go in a _movie_? Kurama shook his head. "I already paid for your ticket and bought you your damned popcorn. If I have to sit through this movie to catch this demon then _so do you_."

Hiei didn't even blink. "That reminds me. Give me the popcorn before you go."

Kurama narrowed his eyes in a bloodthirsty glare, and with a few swift motions Kurama began to drag Hiei into the movie by the back of his collar as a small group of children looked on in horror and confusion.

One little boy tugged on the sleeve of his adult chaperone. The adult's jaw dropped when Hiei started to snarl some unmentionable profanities and called Kurama a number of unprintable names until Kurama started to shove popcorn into the fire demon's mouth to silence him.

"Mama," the boy tugged again on his parent's sleeve and pointed to the duo, "Those gay guys are starting to scare me."

"Don't point, dear...it's impolite."

"But I think they're really trying to kill each other!"

The chaperone nudged the group of children away, "Let's go get snacks, okay, kids?"

Kurama stopped when he got inside of the theater and scanned the dimly lit room. His eyes narrowed with focus. "I see him."

Hiei growled and shoved Kurama's hand off his collar. "Good. Grab him."

"We'd make a scene."

"_So?_"

Kurama sighed again and shook his head. "They might see his face. We can't have that."

"I can erase their memories." Hiei's Jagan Eye glowed menacingly under his bandanna.

Kurama rolled his eyes. "Even _you_ don't have the stamina to do that. There're at least...70 people here...maybe 75 including the staff. That, of course, doesn't even count the people who would see us leave."

"You take the fun out of everything." Hiei growled and the glow of his Jagan Eye dimmed to nothing.

"I'd like to know your definition of 'fun', Hiei...I really would," Kurama smirked. "Besides, you're hardly one to talk."

Hiei grunted in response. Kurama kept the demon in sight as he walked down the aisle to find their seats. Hiei followed grudgingly with his hands shoved angrily in his pockets.

They sat themselves down and Hiei grabbed the popcorn from Kurama and ate it, his crimson eyes smoldering with intense irritation.

They sat there silently; all the while they kept hearing people murmuring excitedly about the movie.

"Did you _see_ the promo? Wasn't it fantastic?"

"Do you think they're include the part where-"

"I'm _so _excited to see _Jacob_, even though he's not really _in_ this movie, he's still my-"

All the voices combined and created a hum of high pitched fangirling voices. The sound served to greatly irritate both of the demons so much that they thought they might go insane.

A human couple moved down aisle and sat next to the two demon boys. The boy had his head bowed and his expression was slightly annoyed. His girlfriend had a hold of his hand and nudged him.

"What are you moping for?" The girl frowned up at him.

He squirmed. "Did you have to choose _this_ movie? Of _all_ the movies that were playing?"

She rolled her eyes, and leaned up against him. "You promised that I could choose the movie this time. And I've wanted to see Twilight since the promo showed on TV." Her voice gradually became a nasally whine and she cuddled closer to him.

He frowned and let out a sigh. "Couldn't you see this movie with your friends?"

"They couldn't come today...They were all too busy." She stuck out her lower lip in a pout.

"So? That doesn't mean I have to be punished."

She rolled her eyes. "No one's punishing you; just grow a pair and-"

"Tell _that_ to the sparkling vampire," he mumbled under his breath and the girl scowled.

"A movie won't _kill_ you," she sat back and crossed her arms. "Just stop whining."

Hiei turned his head to Kurama. His voice was quiet but still hard. "Kurama, something's not right."

Kurama blinked back at his comrade. Other than the fact that they were being forced to watch a movie based on the vampire fantasies of _many_ teenage fangirls...Not much else felt out of place. Their demon target wasn't particularly suspicious and there weren't any more demons around than themselves and their target.

"What's wrong?" Kurama rested his chin on his palm.

"I feel _sorry_ for him," Hiei's eyes moved towards the human boy, "For a _human _that I've never even _met_...Something's very _wrong_."

Kurama stifled a laugh, "Just because you feel empathy doesn't mean anything's wrong."

"Yes it does...there's a gas leak. We should leave_...now_," Hiei spoke quickly, and with a serious expression etched into his features.

"Hiei," Kurama smirked at his friend, "I can think of a thousand reasons for _why_ we should leave. But we can't. We need that demon." Kurama nodded his head toward the target, "Before the end of the day. If we leave, we might lose him."

Hiei rolled his crimson eyes in irritation, "I _hate_ Koenma."

"Doesn't everyone at _some_ point in time say that?" Kurama tipped his head thoughtfully.

"With good reason," Hiei sank down in his seat, "Wake me when it's over." Hiei sank down even further in his seat and bowed his head.

Kurama chuckled and watched the trailers flash upon the screen. The music boomed and visions of people flashed across the screen.

As each trailer faded on and off of the screen, he could hear the people around him as they leaned over to whisper to each other.

_"Doesn't that look good?"_

_"We should go see that one..."_

_"That looks funny...I think-"_

Their whispers swarmed together until they were a low hum.

"That looked pathetic," Hiei spoke with his head bowed.

"I thought you were sleeping," Kurama smiled knowingly to himself.

"Human entertainment is like watching a car wreck," Hiei sighed, "I can't look _away_."

"Relax, Hiei," Kurama smirked. "It's only an hour and half...roughly."

"That I will _never get back_," Hiei grudgingly grabbed a handful of popcorn and stuffed it into his mouth. A group of people behind them let out a loud, "SHHHHHH!"

"Oh, spare me," Hiei rolled his crimson eyes.

"Would you shut _up?_" a girl sitting near them leaned forward to glare at them, "It's starting."

"_Hu-zzah,_" Hiei replied flatly.

* * *

_The movie began; it focused on a lush green forest as a girl's voice began to speak over the picture. The camera focused on a tiny fawn. The music became more dramatic, the dear tensed, and the deer began to run from something frantically._

"What's the point of the deer?" Hiei asked and was answered by a chorus of "SHHHH"s.

"Hiei, it might be wise to keep your comments to yourself," Kurama whispered in his friend's ear warily.

"To hell with that," Hiei smirked, "I think I could have some fun with this."

Kurama sighed and sat up straight again, and silently, he begged the beings of heaven to aid him in retaining his sanity for just an hour and a half.

The movie went on quietly and for a while, Kurama could only assume that Hiei had actually fallen asleep. That is, until the human girl in the movie came out from the car. Her socially awkward father gifted her with a shotty, rust encrusted truck. She was so ecstatic that she could barely speak...though the expression on her face barely changed.

Kurama heard Hiei laughing to himself.

"Find something amusing Hiei?" Kurama whispered under his breath.

"You call crappy human transportation a gift?...I would've asked for a slave."

"Slavery is against the law in human world, Hiei," Kurama grinned and shook his red hair.

"That makes it twice as special," Hiei argued.

A dark skinned Indian boy stepped out from behind the truck and an assortment of squeals, sighs, and giggles came from the crowd around the demon pair.

Hiei snorted, "Feh. Fangirls."

Kurama amusedly raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong? You don't think he's dreamy?"

Hiei chuckled, "Oh he's _gorgeous_...is he the vampire?"

Before Kurama could open his mouth to answer, several girls in front of them turned and went, "SHHHHHHH!" Kurama apologized quietly and Hiei gave them a frightening glare.

It was going to be a _long_ movie.

Kurama nudged his demon partner. "Let's not get kicked out." Hiei smirked but didn't respond.

The movie continued on despite Hiei's sarcastic comments and Kurama watched apathetically as the girl in the movie was bombarded by other teenagers.

"I don't see why they'd get so excited over her...She's hardly interesting," Hiei frowned skeptically at the screen and shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth.

He looked down at his popcorn bucket, "Damn, this stuff is addicting..."

"You think so?" Kurama smirked and grabbed a few of the popcorn kernels for himself.

"Yes," Hiei frowned, "I can't stop _eating_ it...It's...It's mindless."

"Yes," Kurama nodded, "Yes it is."

The girl who was leaning against her boyfriend leaned forward to frown at them. "Oh, would you just _please_ be quiet?" Her voice was strained and somewhat furious.

"Relax," her boyfriend grinned and squeezed her shoulder sweetly, "Their popcorn conversation is twice as riveting as the plot line of this movie so far."

She scowled at her boyfriend and pinched his arm in response.

"How rare," Hiei smirked and lowered his voice, "A human boy with exceptional taste."

Both of the boys could feel the glares on their backs as Hiei carried on with his sarcastic comments. Kurama nudged Hiei gently in the arm in hopes to quiet him.

Hiei frowned, but sat back and watched as an unimportant character told the girl about the group of people walking into the school...each member getting their own glamour shot.

Hiei attempted to suppress his laughter when he saw the one they called Jasper.

Kurama noticed his silent laughter and looked to him curiously, "Find something funny, Hiei?"

Hiei snickered, "The...The look on that boy's face...did you see it?"

Kurama chuckled and nodded. "The one who looked as if he was in pain?"

Hiei's snicker grew into a not-so-soft laughter. "H-He looks like he's about to be castrated."

The human boy beside them started to laugh as well but his girlfriend scowled at him to stop. Kurama smirked and shook his head.

The camera lens focused on the boy with a pale face and brooding expression. Around them, girls began to sigh and giggle. Hiei's smirk fell and he rolled his crimson eyes.

Even the girl who was cuddling with her boyfriend's arm sighed, "Ahh, _Edward_."

Hiei looked to Kurama curiously, "Dare I assume that _he_ is the vampire?"

"Yes, Hiei," Kurama nodded apathetically, "I believe so."

"He doesn't seem all that dangerous to me." Hiei frowned and was given several more angry "Shhhh"s in response.

Hiei sank down slightly in his seat and glared at the screen and took another hand full of popcorn to his mouth.

"Hn," Hiei sulked, "The movie just needs to get to the friggin point."

"I agree," Kurama sighed.

Hiei's attention began to drift, he had almost fallen asleep until he heard the voice of the human boy beside him, _"God,_ this is so-...so..."

"Boy," Hiei smirked, "There are no words in the English language to describe the atrocity known as _Nightlight_." Hiei visibly shuddered.

"It's called _Twilight_," the boy's girlfriend said in a matter of fact tone. She rebuked her boyfriend with a whispered scolding.

"When I say it...it leaves a bad taste in my mouth," Hiei smirked, and glanced up at the screen. He was slightly irritated that the human boy had woken him up.

"You didn't miss much," Kurama mumbled under his breath. His green eyes were glazed over with boredom.

"The relief is overwhelming," Hiei sighed bitterly under his breath.

The movie went on quietly for awhile and occasionally Hiei felt himself doze off...but much to his discontent, he never remained that way.

He watched blankly as the girl (he didn't bother to remember her name) walked to her car...brooding...always brooding. The expression on her face never changed whether she was happy or angry.

The sound of tires screeching against the pavement gave Hiei a sudden sense of hope.

When a car began swerving uncontrollably towards the girl on screen Hiei sat up in his seat.

"Yes! Finally, some blood!" Hiei whisper-yelled. "Some action! The whiny human will die and this movie will be ov-"

The brooding vampire boy appeared out of nowhere and pushed the car away heroically with his super human strength.

Hiei felt his anger flare. _"Damn him!"_

Kurama attempted to restrain his laughter when the crowd around them erupted in "SHUT UP!"s and _more_ "Shhhh!"s.

Hiei sank in his seat once again and growled under his breath, "What a _tease_."

"She's the main character, Hiei," Kurama whispered. "She'll _never_ die."

"Cursed human world cinema," Hiei mumbled between clenched teeth.

Hiei eventually spaced out and focused back in when the girl and the vampire boy were arguing in the halls of the hospital.

Hiei observed their banter and frowned, "He just saved her life and she's _pissed_...What an annoying little wench. I would've let her rot."

"Agreed," Kurama smirked thoughtfully and reached into the popcorn bucket mindlessly...

And found nothing.

Kurama blinked with surprise and leaned over to look in. It was...empty. Kurama furrowed his brow. "You ate all of the popcorn, Hiei." Kurama sighed and sat back in his seat again.

Hiei blinked into the bucket. "It's gone?"

Kurama chuckled. "Yes."

"I didn't even realize...and I want more."

"They don't give free refills here," Kurama shook his head. Then a thought crossed his mind and he curiously looked into the bucket. "Did you eat the unpopped kernels, too?"

"Those little brown things?" Hiei frowned. Kurama nodded and Hiei asked, "Are you not supposed to?"

"Well," Kurama grinned bemusedly. "No...not really."

"Hn," Hiei shrugged. "I didn't think anything was _wrong_ with them."

Kurama moved to respond, but a young girl next to him cut him off with an acute, "Shhhh". Hiei shot the girl a glare but she already had her back turned to him.

"So help me God, if someone tries to quiet me one more time, I'll-"

Another girl turned to glare at him and she opened her mouth to say something.

Hiei narrowed his crimson eyes, "I _dare_ you to." A low growl came from the back of his throat and the girl's eyes widened in fear and she obediently turned to face the screen again.

Though his glare remained, a smirk spread across his face, "As I thought."

"You'll give her nightmares," Kurama sighed.

A boyish snicker came from their other side and they looked to see the boy grinning at them idiotically; his girlfriend was still practically hanging on his arm.

"What?" Hiei snapped at him.

"Nothing...it's just," the boy shook his head, "You two are infinitely more entertaining than the movie."

"And I'm honestly not sure if I should feel flattered...or if I should cause you profuse pain." Hiei blinked and gave the human boy a hard look.

"I didn't mean anything bad by it." The boy grinned.

"Hn." Hiei looked away from him.

"Well, I think it's wonderful that you're making friends, Hiei." Kurama smirked at the fire demon humorously.

Hiei moved his glare until it settled on the fox demon. "Either shut up or get me more popcorn."

Kurama sighed. So much for _his_ bit of fun. "Hiei, if you're so very addicted to popcorn, then get it yourself." Kurama reached into his pocket and pulled out his money.

He didn't think much about Hiei's lack of retort until he saw the calculative look in his crimson eyes. The gears in Kurama's head clicked into place and he immediately snatched away the popcorn bucket from Hiei's grasp.

"On second thought," Kurama stood up abruptly, "_I'll_ go."

Hiei's shoulders sunk and he glared at Kurama.

Kurama turned on his heels and felt Hiei's glare on his back. _What was I thinking?_ Kurama shook his head in thought and took his place in the snack line just outside the theater. _Hiei would have bought the popcorn and left. _

Kurama smirked. "At least I'll get to escape for a few minutes."

The line moved forward at a crawl and Kurama was almost grateful for it. Though he _was_ worried about Hiei making a last minute run for the door. He was confident that he wouldn't. Kurama had his precious popcorn.

Kurama frowned at the theater doors as he approached them. But he held his chin up proudly, nevertheless, and made his way back into the movie.

He found Hiei again with amazing ease. His hair was certainly hard to miss, and the fact that he was the only person with his head in his hands...helped. Kurama smirked and though he didn't care to know, he asked Hiei. "Well? What did I miss?"

Hiei lifted his head to glare at him. "Blah blah blah flirting. Blah blah blah, Indians. Blah blah blah who gives a shi-"

"Good to know you're enjoying yourself," Kurama chuckled and handed the fire demon the large bucket of popcorn. "Bon appetite."

"About time." Hiei took it from him with a brooding glare. "You took forever."

"Apparently," Kurama sat back and looked at the screen, "Not long enough."

Hiei smirked and shook his head, already starting to devour his popcorn.

"What are they doing?" Hiei rolled his eyes to stare the ceiling.

"Trying on dresses?" Kurama mumbled to himself, "As if this movie couldn't get less dull."

"What do you mean?" Hiei's voice was thick with sarcasm. "This is the most relevant moment yet! Well, I think so, anyway...I honestly have no idea what this movie is about...I just know that I hate that _girl._"Hiei glared at the screen.

"Pity," Kurama's lips curled into a smile, "Seeing that she's the main character."

"Well, is this movie ever going to get to the God damned point?" Hiei snorted angrily.

"Soon...maybe..." Kurama shrugged, "If you can stay awake that long."

A girl turned around and scolded them in a harsh whisper but Hiei and Kurama were becoming quite accustomed to such scoldings. They watched the girl scowl at them with apathetic stares.

When the girl was finally silent, she continued to glare at them...as if she was waiting for an apology or a rude retort.

She, of course, got the latter when Hiei's mouth curled into a smirk.

"It's a little rude to speak in the movie theater, don't you think?" Hiei narrowed his demonic red eyes...they were teeming with amusement. In the dim lighting they could see her face flush a dark, angry pink. She opened her mouth to retort but no sound came out and she indignantly turned back around.

"_That_ was fun," Hiei's mumble was low and Kurama rolled his emerald eyes.

With the end of that confrontation, Hiei and Kurama had really no choice but to again look to the screen.

The girl on the screen walked through a dank alleyway in the dark and Hiei rolled his eyes again. "How very cliché."

A group of intoxicated human men spotted her and began to follow her around with their drunken stagger. They surrounded her in the street and she looked around everywhere for a way out.

"Three cheers for gang rape," Hiei grinned and rolled his head back to stare at the ceiling, as if the distant ceiling fibers captured his attention more so than the dramatic music rising and falling away in the background.

The sound of screeching tires came from the speakers. Without tilting his head forward; Hiei lazily looked back to the screen just as the vampire boy stalked out of the car and pulled her into the car angrily.

"Okay," Hiei blinked, "Where the _hell_ did he come from?"

The human boy snickered, "Maybe he decided to go dress shopping, too." His girlfriend glared at him but said nothing.

"What vampire doesn't?" Hiei's focus had moved from the screen and back to his popcorn bucket.

_"Distract me."_

_"What?"_

_"Distract me so I don't turn around and find them."_

"Distraction?" Hiei raised an eyebrow and with a sober expression he chanted, " MUSHROOM."

"I'm guessing," Kurama took a small handful of popcorn from the bucket, "Yusuke showed you that video? On YouTube?"

"Yes," Hiei smirked, "It was bizarrely amusing."

Kurama chuckled quietly to himself and looked back at the screen.

_They were in a restaurant, awkwardly sitting across from each other at the table. He was telling her that he could read minds, with the exception of hers…he said he couldn't explain it, but somehow she was different._

"Maybe he can't hear her mind...because it's just static up in there." Hiei mumbled, "They certainly never explored _that_ idea."

"That would kill the romance don't you think?" Kurama smirked bemusedly.

"_What romance?"_ Hiei growled. "All they've done so far is argue and stare at each other. And they speak in such a cryptic manner that doesn't even make sense."

"It's romance for the socially awkward," Kurama explained with amusement dancing in his green eyes.

"Then it's perfect for Kuwabara." Hiei rolled his eyes.

"Now, now," Kurama smirked, "Kuwabara isn't _that_ socially awkward."

"Maybe not so much as Vampy Boy." Hiei motioned to the screen knowingly. On the screen, they were in a parking lot with the girl's father…who must have passed his awkward personality to his daughter.

"It's a very strange family tree..." Hiei sighed again and his focus shifted to the captivating ceiling fibers.

"You've been paying attention," Kurama didn't attempt to mask his surprise.

"Have I a choice anymore?" Hiei let out an audible groan.

"Hm." Kurama shrugged. "You could always sleep."

"I wish it was that simple." Hiei frowned at the ceiling.

The movie dragged along further and further. The two demons watched distantly...both of them wished desperately that one of the main characters would just spontaneously combust and then the credits would roll.

But alas...they were not so lucky.

The film dragged on slowly until the vampire boy and the whiny human girl ran past their high school ("rebelliously") to a nearby and conveniently located forest.

They stood there, in the clearing, staring at each other silently...again...

_"You're impossibly fast...inhumanly strong...your skin is ice cold and you can hear thoughts of others."_

_The "vampire" boy with the sulking stare stalked around her._

_"You're a..." the girl stopped._ Kurama swore that the girl hadn't finished _one_ sentence without inexplicably pausing.

_The boy whispered in her ear, "Say it...out __**loud**__."_

_"You're a..."_

Hiei sighed, and then smirked to himself almost thoughtfully.

The girl opened her mouth to speak.

"_A pedophile_," Hiei expertly voiced over the girl's words. People within a five seat radius heard.

Some laughed.

Most…didn't.

The human girl hanging onto her boy slave leaned over and glared.

"_**Really?**_" she hissed incredulously.

"What?" Hiei feigned innocent confusion. "The vampire is immortal, right? This," he gestured to the screen confidently where the boy was foolishly showing off his inhuman strength and speed, "Is pedophilia."

The girl's boy toy laughed, "He has a point."

"Shut. Up." She scowled at the two of them and sat back in her chair again, defeated.

The boy, frustrated for some reason with the girl's unconditional love, mumbled something about "showing why he hid from the sun."

As Hiei watched them ascend the hill, he gained a sliver of hope. The Detective and The Oaf had told him that vampires burn and turn to ash when sunlight touches their skin. So Hiei assumed that he would stick his hand into the sunlight momentarily, long enough for it to catch fire. Hiei figured that would be enjoyable.

The boy stood in the thin shadow for a moment and Hiei watched...waiting for the fire.

The boy stepped in the sunlight. And he let the light hit his face...

And then he began to _twinkle._ Yes..._Glimmer._

Hiei's jaw dropped. Kurama rubbed his temples as if they had begun to ache.

"No," Hiei gaped in horror and disgust.

"Oh," Kurama chuckled with dry humor, "Yes, Hiei."

"He's sparkling?" Hiei watched in disgust as the vampire boy's skin sparkled in the light. "Is that supposed to be attractive? Is this...Is this a joke? Am I supposed to laugh?"

"No," a girl in front of them spoke up defensively.

"I want to get this straight." Hiei ignored the girl and looked to Kurama, "He's a vampire who refuses to drink human blood and _twinkles_ when he's in the sun light?"

"In an eggshell," Kurama nodded.

Hiei snorted, "He isn't a vampire...he's socially awkward boy with a glitter obsession. Oh, and he eats _bunnies_."

Kurama smirked as the two main characters lied in a conveniently placed flowered meadow.

"Do you know what the worst part of this is?" Kurama sighed.

"The fact that you paid $12.50 for a movie about a girl with a glitter fetish?"

"Well, there's that." Kurama blinked thoughtfully. "And he makes a sparkling noise."

Hiei's shoulders trembled as he laughed silently. "Wh-Which aids his scary-monster appeal."

The two lovebirds ended up at her house...in her room.

_"I've been watching you sleep."_

Hiei laughed and leaned forward to look at the boy's girlfriend and whispered, "I stand corrected. He's not _just_ a pedophile...he's a pedophilic _stalker_ ...Which is _clearly_ romantic."

The girl sneered at him and looked back to the screen. Hiei leaned back and watched as the two main characters came on to each other. He shook his head, completely uninterested in the human world take on romance. His crimson eyes moved to their demon target who, somehow, sat motionless in his seat...completely immersed in the goings on of the screen.

He closed his eyes in irritation. _Some demons are so pathetic. I can't believe he's so riveted by such two dimensional human entertainment. What happened to respectable demons? At least I could face them with honor..._

Hiei's bitter train of thought continued on as he absentmindedly popped handfuls of popcorn into his mouth.

He reached to grab for more when he found a foreign object...Definitely not popcorn. His fingers were incidentally entwined in...whatever it was.

"Hiei?" Kurama raised an eyebrow. "…That's my hand. Please let go."

Hiei's crimson eyes widened dramatically and his hand shot out of the popcorn bucket, sending kernels of popcorn into various places.

Hiei's temper flared irrationally. "Dammit, Kurama! I told you not to touch me!"

Kurama, calm as before, popped some popcorn into his mouth nonchalantly. "Please, don't make a scene. It's not that big of a deal, Hiei."

Hiei frowned and glared at the back of the seat in front of him. It was bad enough that he had to come here in the first place. But they'd already been accused of being romantically involved with each other twice that day...If he heard someone say that they 'look cute together' one more time...he wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

Kurama muttered under his breath, "Besides, _you_ were the one who took my hand."

Hiei's eyes burned with irritation when he glared at the kitsune. "Talking like that is a good way to _die_."

Kurama chuckled silently and with a turn of his head he dismissed Hiei's threat nonchalantly.

Kurama observed the movie with swelling fatigue. He shook his head, trying valiantly to dismiss a coming migraine.

But he was not victorious.

The Fox Demon had been looking forward to a calm weekend...but when he had found Hiei perched on his window ledge, he had correctly assumed that his calm weekend had been blown out of the water.

And now this...the movie was annoying and seemingly endless...that was true. And though Hiei's sarcastic comments did serve to lighten his mood and make the movie much more bearable, Kurama was still tired of him drawing attention to himself. In fact he was honestly surprised that their demon target hadn't noticed their presence. He seemed so absorbed in the movie.

Kurama stared at the movie apathetically. The family of vampires had gathered in a large clearing, playing baseball with their inhuman abilities. Kurama wondered briefly to himself when the plot would thicken. He didn't consider baseball particularly riveting...even though it was a nice break from their awkward romance.

The family of 'vegetarian' vampires suddenly became very serious when the small group of vampires appeared. They had appeared randomly throughout the movie...killing the occasional human. Which had kept Hiei mildly entertained.

"I like them," Hiei smirked bemusedly.

"Why is that?" Kurama asked. "They're villains after all, aren't they?"

"Who cares?" Hiei shrugged. "They might kill the annoying human girl. I'm on _their_ side."

"She's the protagonist, Hiei," Kurama repeated, "She'll never die."

"Don't be so sure." Hiei grinned. "Yusuke was the protagonist and he died _twice_."

"Yusuke also never remained dead." Kurama smiled.

"I can hope, can't I?" Hiei sank down in his seat and muttered something about setting fire to Hollywood.

Kurama chuckled and looked back at the screen. The girl and vampire were talking frantically about a tracker and his obsession with the "hunt".

"If they're a _family_ of vampires…couldn't they just ban together to kill the three vampires? They outnumber them."

"Well, they-" Kurama blinked and searched for an answer to Hiei's question. He finally sighed and shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure, Hiei."

"Hn." Hiei narrowed his eyes at the screen. "_What_ are they doing now?"

_The girl on the screen picked up a phone and was answered by her mother's frantic voice. Another voice, the voice of the tracker, spoke as well, and told her to meet him at her old ballet studio..._

"How does he-" Hiei furrowed his brow and then shook his head in surrender. "Never mind."

"Well." Kurama blinked. "At least thing are getting a little interesting...You might get some blood after all, Hiei."

They watched on as the girl inexplicably snuck away from the vampires with heightened senses and took a cab to her ballet studio. She walked in carefully and heard her mother's voice and ran to follow it...only to find a recording of her mother and her as a child.

The two demons watched on as the tracker vampire began to torture the girl. He threw her against the mirrors and across the floor, recording it with human technology all the while.

Then the brooding vampire made his heroic entrance with his family.

As expected, the tracker didn't stand a chance against the family.

"There was your bit of blood, Hiei," Kurama nudged his comrade and Hiei yawned in response and rubbed his eyes.

"Dammit, Kurama, I finally fell asleep and you _had_ to wake me up?"

Kurama blinked at the fire demon. "You fell asleep during the climax? But you've wanted to see blood this entire time haven't you?"

A girl next to them hissed at them to quiet them. The girl on screen was screaming something about fire and the two vampires were arguing about saving her.

"Dear God," Hiei murmured, "You woke me up for this?"

"My sincerest apologies." Kurama lazily reached for a handful of popcorn as the vampire boy began to suck out the girl's blood from a bite wound. There was a flash of pictures and a voice over that would be suitable for a tragic shoujo manga.

The girl woke up in a hospital bed...monitors humming and beeping around her.

"Dammit," Hiei hissed under his breath.

"I told you she wouldn't die," Kurama chuckled.

"Well, at least she's maimed," Hiei grinned with gratification.

"You are a shining beacon of optimism."

"I certainly try."

They lapsed into silence again as the girl frantically told the boy that he could never_ ever_ leave her.

Hiei whistled, "Someone certainly has separation issues."

"No," Kurama frowned, "She's just psychotic. That's all."

"How romantic," Hiei closed his eyes again, "Wake me when it's over."

…

Kurama nudged the fire demon awake. Hiei sat up to glare at him for waking him up but was distracted by the credits rolling across the screen gloriously.

"Come on." Kurama's emerald eyes were narrowed and focused on their target with the likeness of a predator. "He's leaving. Let's not lose him again."

"Heaven forbid that he might lead us into another soppy romantic film," Hiei replied shortly and jumped over the seats in front of him and hurried down the aisle.

The two demons followed closely after their target. Out the door. Waiting patiently for an opening. The demon rounded a corner to reach an alleyway and Hiei and Kurama smirked at each other knowingly.

They rounded the corner together and as soon as they were out of sight, Hiei sprinted forward and pulled the demon by the back of his collar.

The demon yelped in surprise and Kurama flicked his wrist and his rose whip snaked around the demon's waist and arms. The demon fell to his knees and began whimpering for mercy.

Something flashed across Kurama's expression and as Hiei pulled back his fist, Kurama caught him by his wrist.

"Wait!" Kurama calmly put himself between the furious fire demon and their sobbing fire victim.

"What?" Hiei snapped at the kitsune. "I'm not going to kill him! I'm going to beat him half to death! You realize there's a difference! After that, you can do whatever you want with him."

The demon trembled, "Pl-please! I'm begging for mercy! Don't hurt me!! I-I didn't do anything wrong! Please!"

Hiei's eyes widened in surprise. "That's-"

"You recognize the voice, too, then." Kurama frowned and bent over to remove the scarf and hood so that they could clearly see the demon's face.

The blue ogre looked up with tear filled eyes and gasped, "Kurama?! Hiei?! Wha-What's going on? Why are you doing this?"

"George?" Kurama's Rose Whip withered in his grip. "What are you doing in Human World?"  
"Koenma generously gave me a day off!" George stood up. "I begged for it so that I could come see _Twilight_! I loved the books so much! I couldn't miss the movie!"

"Koenma...gave you the day off," Hiei repeated, spite and sudden understanding laced his voice. "How strangely...generous of him."

Kurama sighed. "Yes, it is very unlike him to give George a vacation...on the same day that he gives us the mission to capture a rogue demon."

"Wearing a sweatshirt." Hiei shoved his hands in his pockets and watched as George's expression changed.

"K-Koenma sent you two to hunt..._me?_"

"Not quite," Kurama sighed, "Not so much as hunt you, but as to prank us into spending the better half of our day blindly chasing you and them spending an hour and a half watching a movie that we never cared to see."

Hiei nodded. "So, tell me one thing, George."

"Yes?"

"Did he_ know_ you were going to see that abomination of a film? You _told_ him that you were going to see _Twilight_?"

"Y-yes." George nodded meekly. "Why?"

Hiei gritted his teeth. "Because we had to _watch_ it with you..._against_ _our will_."

"Wasn't it wonderful?" George's mood instantly changed. "It's so romantic! And Edward is so-"

"_Don't_ finish that sentence unless it ends with a bitter insult," Hiei snapped, seething with rage.

George squeaked in compliance and inched away from the demons.

Kurama was holding his stomach, as if he was about to be ill. "Hiei?"

"Hn?" Hiei was still trying to reign in his temper.

"Where do you think the Prince of Spirit World goes when he dies?" Kurama lifted his head and his emerald eyes were filled with blood lust.

Hiei blinked and grinned. "I don't think it matters."

"Why is that?" Kurama's rose whip appeared in hand again.

Hiei slipped his katana out of its sheath and grinned at it with admiration. "Because I'm personally dragging that damned brat to Hell."

"George." Kurama smiled calmly at the trembling ogre. "Please take us to Spirit World."

And _that_ was the end of Prince Koenma.


End file.
